The coming of the dementors or how I fight emotional breakdowns.

For as long as I can remember, but for the last 15 years for sure, with regularity every couple of months, I fall into the abyss.

Some people call it emotional burnout, slumps, depressive episodes, but I, as someone with a vivid imagination who grew up on the Harry Potter books, tenderly refer to it as “the Dementors arriving”.

It is indeed very similar to what J.K. Rowling described: complete devastation, lack of energy, apathy, destructive internal dialog: “I'm worthless, I'm meaningless, the world is rubbish, life is pain, I'm talentless, spineless and what's the point of getting out of bed?”

Yes, It's pretty dark..

In this text I want to share how I am learning to overcome these episodes, what insights I have made over the years of self-reflection and therapy, what triggers are triggering them and what steps are helping me to reduce their regularity and intensity.

The 2 main reasons for my downfalls episodes:

1. The swing effect: sharp rise → sharp fall

   
   

One of the most obvious triggers is bright emotional outbursts: travel, moves, job changes, romantic upheavals, and even vacations.

Imagine a swing. Any significant upward swing in emotions will naturally lead to a sharp pullback. And this swing is one of the laws of the universe. It's normal.

Here I see two possible options:

Give up vivid emotions to prevent natural rollbacks (which sounds very gray) or reduce the intensity of the pendulum (my option).

I'm doing an experiment called: live slowly.

Travel example. My new format of slow travel includes 10 times less activity than I would have planned 10 years ago. So that I have time for my morning rituals, sports, sleep routines. Night outs, flings, 5 cities in 5 days...all the things that thrilled me in my 20s are no longer for me.

Once again, it's like a mantra: Less is better. Enjoy it, but not to the point of pig squealing.

2. Over-reaching in terms of importance, expectations, and my impact on the outcome

I'm like in that movie about 50 first dates, I tend to forget with regularity:

not everything in this world depends on me.

The amount of effort, time, and quality of my work does not guarantee results.

I heard from a meditation teacher, and then I remembered that this is what Christians say:

“follow with God”.

For me it means to do my PART of the work responsibly and with full dedication, but keeping in mind that my area of responsibility is only half of it. The other part is in the hands of God ( the Creator, the Universe, Luck... whatever you want to call it).

And when I forget about it, I start to exaggerate my role and the pendulum of expectations swings to unthinkable heights.

And when the results don't come

which is okay, because it can be delayed, it can come in an unexpected form, or it can come at all, no matter how hard you try

the pendulum swings downward.

And the Dementors are immediately on the scene.

How are my episodes going?

My personal progress I consider a 2-fold decrease in the duration and intensity of my episodes. I used to be a two week vegetable every couple of months, now it takes me a week to bed down and even do a big cleaning of the house.

Here's a cliché now, but it's thanks to a healthy lifestyle.

I'm really doing a lot for my health (both physical and mental). Among the things that 100% work:

• Sobriety (eliminating alcohol completely)

• Healthy eating

• Meditation.

• Sports every day

• Daily routine

This routine is where I see my salvation. It's very important to me to follow a schedule and have a plan.

I'm honestly a bit jealous of people who can live more spontaneously, work from a coffee shop or in bed, go to the spa in the middle of the work day or watch TV series in the morning.

My level of plasticity is to go to the gym instead of a run.

And the more I follow the rhythm, the more peaceful I feel. A little boring? No argument there.

I wish I could keep my emotional and physical balance wherever I am, wherever I'm going.

I would like to spread a yoga mat and practice both at dawn by the ocean and in the middle of the office, to work hard whether I'm at home or in a cafe in Paris, to meditate regardless of the fact that outside the window is not birds, and a jackhammer...

I would love to be more free, lighter, not to ride the emotional swings, but so far all I can do - do.

How do you deal with your downfalls? What helps you? Happy to hear about your experience in this topic!